Dealing with the aftermath of an affair can feel very isolating and painful - here's how we can support you:. You are here Home Relationship help Help with relationships Affairs I've found out my partner is having an affair, what should I do? I've found out my partner is having an affair, what should I do? Give yourself some time. Finding out such shocking news can leave you feeling angry and hurt. Seek support from trusted friends, family members or talk to trained relationship counsellor in a free Live Chat.
Talk to your partner. Although bringing the affair up with your partner may feel painful, it's important you can ask questions so you can assess exactly what has happened. Find somewhere private to talk where you won't be interrupted. If you don't feel ready to talk together you may want to consider Relationship Counselling , where you'll have a safe and confidential space to discuss things. Avoid cutting in on what your partner is saying. What was it in our relationship that ultimately caused us to have an open door for someone else to walk into it?
Having that insight in your relationship is going to be important. But if the person who cheated isn't willing to be upfront about why it happened — or starts pointing blame, repairing things might not be possible. Grant's husband admitted he was a sex addict and sought out therapy on his own to work through it. He had done everything he could to support me as I healed. If the affair is really, truly over, taking the physical steps to cut off contact with the person and set up boundaries is crucial to your partner's healing process.
Brandon Santan , a licensed marriage and relationship therapist practicing in Tennessee. Because Grant's husband worked with the woman he cheated with, this was more complicated.
Being cheated on is damaging for a plethora of reasons, but one big factor that needs to be addressed in order to move past it is lack of honesty. This level of transparency needs to continue for as long as it takes to build that trust back up again; something that Elle says was key to her healing process. He told me where he was going and who he'd be with. Seems humiliating in the short term, but he understood that that was how he was going to rebuild trust," she says.
Your gut reaction might be to blast your partner's indiscretions across social media for all to see, which Travis McNulty , LMHC, practicing in Florida says is a common coping mechanism.
But telling everyone in your inner circle can end up backfiring. Grant found support by creating a blog, The Betrayed Wives Club , to connect with others who were also victims of infidelity — a support system she says played a large part in her healing process. Our culture lacks real understanding around how devastating infidelity is. It can be really painful to share your secret only to have someone respond, as a friend of mine did, 'Well, I wouldn't put up with it.
When you find out your husband has cheated, in order to move forward in your relationship, these steps are essential. He must be willing to make a continual effort in words and deeds to prove he will never cross that line again. He must be willing to listen to you, over and over again, expressing your intense emotional pain from his betrayal. You must develop some empathy for the emotional insecurities that led him to seek another woman's approval. He must agree that he's willing to do everything possible to restore the emotional wellness of your marriage.
You must both consider participating in marriage counseling, sex therapy, or an intensive group experience. You must him open his heart to you, and allow him to share with you his fears and his emotional fragility. Whether or not he joins you for couples counseling, you should seek help for your own unresolved issues. It hurts to finally confirm that all the emotional turmoil you experienced wasn't, in fact, just because you were insecure, inadequate or paranoid.
Something didn't feel right and your gut was telling you so. Should you continue working toward improving your marriage , or should you just let go and move on? How do you get back those loving feelings and a sense of security and trust after finding hard, cold evidence that your partner cheated on you?
What can he possibly say or do to gain back your sense of trust and loving adoration of him? What would it take for you to believe his words of praise and love for you? What must happen for you to once again feel like a beautiful and desirable woman, loved and cherished by her man for the rest of your life?
0コメント